Never
by AnimeGirl123456
Summary: Kaoru is in love with Hikaru, but Hikaru can't possibly feel the same way...can he? Kaoru's love has become too much to handle and when Hikaru seems to be dating Haruhi, everything falls apart. An unexpected host comes to his aid and tries to talk some sense into him, though he doesn't listen. Will Hikaru notice before its too late? Contains dark themes (cutting). Might be OOC.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello I'm AnimeGirl and this is my first attempt at a fanfiction so please be gentle XD**! **I am ALWAYS writing but I only just recently got into fanfiction and decided I wanted to write one. I can't wait to get feedback on it! Disclaimer: I, AnimeGirl, do not own Ouran High School Host Club or any of its characters, no matter how much I wish I do -.-…**

CH.1

I sat on one of the love seats in music room number three as I stared out at the blue sky. It was sunny, with not a cloud in sight, the exact opposite of my mind which swirled with thoughts of only one person, Hikaru. My twin, my best friend, and the person who unwittingly holds my heart. I desired to feel his strong arms around me, to feel his lips on my own. Oh, how I wished my feelings were returned, but of course these thoughts weren't anything short of delusional. Hikaru would never feel the same way…..he'd never love me in any way other than a brotherly way and I'd never get over him. I'd spend the rest of my life pining after someone I could never have. How pitiful.

I clenched my fists and held back the tears threatening to escape my eyes. Luckily, everyone was too busy conversing with each other to notice. The Shadow King sat typing away on his laptop while Tono bugged him about something, Mori-senpai watched as Hunny-senpai devoured plate after plate of cake, and Hikaru stood over by Haruhi. Or at least I thought no one noticed….. Suddenly, I noticed a shadow being cast over me and, making sure there weren't any tears in my eyes and trying my best to hide the pain from my face, I looked up to see the very person I yearned for standing over me, a look of concern covering his features.

"Kaoru? Are you alright?" Hikaru inquired looking down at me, his voice so soothing it pained me to hear it. Pushing my anguish and desolation to the back of my mind, I smiled my best host smile up at him.

"Yeah I'm fine. What's up?" He didn't believe me. Of course I couldn't fool him; we know each other like we **are **each other.

"Host Club is starting." He stated, frowning down at me. Immediately, I want to slap myself for the being the cause of that frown, I want to confess to him right then and there but I don't want to be rejected. Hikaru has already left the security of 'our little world' because of Haruhi. I can tell by the way he acts around her that he loves her or at least likes her. That's why I push him closer to her, I figure once Hikaru is gone my broken heart can be mended.

"Alright then." I said, motioning for him to sit next to me, since I'm already at our regular spot, which he does. In the next second guests start pouring in and I mentally groan. The moments to come cause me great heartache, of course I love having Hikaru hold me but it hurts to know its all an act.

Hikaru sits next to me, telling all the swooning fangirls about something that severely embarrassed me.

"And he bolted right out of bed, all drenched in sweat."

"Hikaru I told you not to tell anyone about that!" I whined, a deep blush spreading across my face as I turned away. What Hikaru didn't know was that I woke up from a dream of him….. He pulled me close and held my face in his hands.

"You were just so cute, I had to tell them. I'm sorry." Oh how I wished it actually meant something when he held me like this but it doesn't, and that's how it should be….right? I tried as hard as I could to tuck my emotions away but I couldn't stop the pain from showing on my face. The look in Hikaru's golden eyes in that moment almost crushed me, they held a tremendous amount of worry in them. Damn it, he knows something is wrong! Now he'll get it out of me after Host Club is over.

When the end of Host Club finally came, Hikaru ran up to _her. _Haruhi. It's not that I hate her, I just….I guess I'm just jealous of her. I couldn't make out what they were saying but I saw Haruhi smile and nod. Suddenly, I felt sick to my stomach, like if I moved even an inch I'd puke all my insides out. H-h didn't…h-he just….Hikaru ran towards me grinning.

"Hey, mind going home alone? I'm going out with Haruhi!" he exclaimed, a huge grin covering his face that soon disappeared when I froze. Of course I was expecting him to ask her out but that doesn't mean I had to be happy about it.

"Kaoru?" Hikaru said, snapping me out of my stupor.

"Of course. So you've finally done it? I'll be fine, go on have fun." Did my voice just crack? Hikaru looked at me with worry filled eyes before pulling me into a hug.

"See you at home." He whispered in my ear before pulling back, smiling and running back to Haruhi. Hikaru slinked an arm around her shoulders and they left. For a moment I just stood there frozen, that is until I heard a small voice call out from behind me.

"Are you okay Kao-chan?" Hunny-senpai had walked up to me and was studying me, probably trying to figure out what's wrong. Mori-senpai stood next to him doing the same thing and behind him Kyoya sat listening to Tono's overdramatics. At least they hadn't noticed.

"Y-yes I'm f-fine." Damn, I'm already stuttering, soon the tears will come and I can't let anyone see them. I flashed them my best host smile before turning and walking out of the club room. That _fake _smile…I wonder if it will become my usual smile. I didn't bother calling a car. I'd rather walk since it always helped to clear my mind.

'_Damn it, he knows something is wrong! Now he'll get it out of me after Host Club is over.' 'He didn't believe me. Of course I couldn't fool him; we know each other like we are each other.' _I guess I was wrong. I did fool him; he actually couldn't read me like I can read him. Hikaru will never return my feelings…..its wrong, taboo. But still….I still love him. A bittersweet smile covered my features and I reached up to wipe away the tears now streaming down my cheeks, being met face to face with the gates to the Hittachin mansion, my home. A strangled sob broke free from my lips as I ran through the gates, up the stairs and into mine and Hikaru's shared room. Slamming the door behind me I jumped into the bed and curled into a ball.

Why? Why can't he love me the way I love him? The way he loves her? More hot tears rolled down my cheeks until my sobs wracked my entire body. Suddenly, I heard the front door slam shut; Hikaru is home. Shit, I can't let him see me like this! I hurried to the bathroom, turned on thesink, and splashed cold water on my tearstained face. Then I sprang from the bathroom and slid into bed. I'd just play it off like I was too tired to change.

As soon as I pulled the covers up over my head I heard footsteps down the footsteps got closer until they were directly outside the door.

"Kaoru? Are you in here?" Hikaru's voice echoed through the darkness of the room as he opened the door. I stayed completely still, my eyes closed, and a I heard a loud sigh as the footsteps neared the bed. Hikaru leaned over me and ran the back of his hand across my cheek. It took everything inside me not to grab his hand in mine. There was shuffling and then the bed shifted. Great, Hikaru is going to get in bed with me. We had slept close to each other in the same bed for as long as I can remember but now I really couldn't stand to be so close but so far at the same time. I felt an arm wrap around my waist and another sigh, this one of contentment. After about twenty minutes Hikaru started snoring. Thank god! I gently wriggled out of his embrace and scooted as far away as I could without falling off the bed. I curled into a ball and cried myself to sleep.

**So what did you think?! Was it good, bad, okay?! Please give me some feedback, I'm eager to hear what people have to say! Also I've already said this but, this is my first fanfiction ever so be gentle.**


	2. Chapter 2

CH.2

The next day at the Host Club was pure torture for me. Apparently, Hikaru's date with Haruhi had gone well because instead of performing the usual "Brotherly Love Act" he sat across the room huddled over by Haruhi. I couldn't help but stare at them, it hurt me deeply to know that Hikaru would rather be with her than with me. There was only one conclusion. Hikaru was leaving the security of our world. The carriage was shifting and soon…..it'd turn back into a pumpkin **(A/N: I think this is what he always talked about in the anime. Sorry if I got it wrong). **I sighed and tried to will these thoughts away, but it was no use, I just couldn't Host today.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Hikaru and Haruhi giggling and then Hikaru put his arm around her waist. **No! Don't touch her! **If I stayed any longer I would have done something I'd regret later. Hurriedly, I walked towards the door and slipped out, no one even noticing I was gone. I ran down the long hallway and into the bathroom.

Thank god nobody is in here. Once I leaned over the sink, I couldn't hold it in anymore. The tears I'd been holding back all day spilled from my golden eyes. I was so upset I didn't hear the door open behind me

"Kao-chan?" a sweet voice called out from behind me. My body visibly stiffened and my eyes widened in surprise but I didn't move an inch.

"Are you okay Kao-chan?" Hunny-sempai's voice was gentle and soothing.

"I'm fine." I murmured as I turned around, keeping my teary eyes covered by my auburn bangs. I lunged forward and tried to move past Hunny-sempai to the door but he caught my wrist. When I tried to wrench my wrist from his grip, I only succeeded in causing pain to shoot up my arm and I winced. Fuck!

Finally I turned to face Hunny-sempai who was staring at me, worry in his eyes. Before I had time to react he'd pulled up my sleeve and studied my arm. There were multiple scars all over my wrist and up to the bend of my arm. Some were straight down and across, others were jagged, some of them were deep and some weren't. I'd been doing it for about a year, ever since my love for Hikaru became too much. The feeling I got when the cold metal cut through my pale skin was my way of coping, my only way of punishing myself for feeling these terrible feelings, and it reminded me that I am in fact alive.

I grimaced as Hunny-sempai fingered my scars. The usually bubbly and childish blond was acting uncharacteristically serious and silent. He looked up at me his chocolate eyes wide.

"Kao-chan….." his grip slackened and I took it to my advantage by wrenching my wrist from his grip. Again, I tried to rush through the bathroom door but Hunny-sempai blocked my way. There was no use in fighting, that little blond could take out anyone with a single punch. So instead of fighting, I lowered my gaze to the floor and felt new tears stream down my face. Hunny-sempai must of noticed because he pulled me into a hug.

"Its Hika-chan, isn't it?" he whispered in my ear. H-he knows?! He can't know! I couldn't find the strength to try and deny it so instead I returned the hug and wept into his shoulder.

"It's okay." He murmured, rubbing circles into my back as I sobbed.

"You should just tell him Kao-chan." By now my sobs had stopped but I was still wrapped in the small blonde's embrace.

"I can't, he…he would hate me." I said boring holes into the ground with my eyes, a forlorn expression on my face.

"He could never hate **you!" **Hunny-sempai exclaimed. Coming up with no further argument, I simply shook my head against his chest. I glanced up to a look of immense worry on Hunny-sempai's child-like face.

"Fine, but I'm here if you need me, okay?" I nodded.

"Thanks Hunny-sempai but we really should get back to the club now, before anyone notices we're gone."

He smiled at me before pulling away and replying, "Your right, let's go." He said and offered me his hand which I took and let him lead me out of the bathroom, back toward the Host Club. Has Hunny-sempai always been so…mature? When has he _ever _looked that stern?

Suddenly I was met face to with the doors to the Host Club. Hunny-sempai gave my hand a reassuring squeeze before he let go and when he pushed the doors open my heart dropped all over again. Hikaru and Haruhi were sitting, laughing with their guests, Hikaru's arm around Haruhi's waist, holding her close to him. It made me want to puke so I averted my gaze elsewhere and didn't look their way for the rest of the club.

When the end of Host Club came I hurriedly gathered my things, hoping I could slip out before Hikaru since I had this nagging feeling that I'd be going home alone again today. Just as I looked up, ready to bolt out the door, I found Hikaru standing over me.

"Hey Kaoru!" he exclaimed cheerfully, a grin gracing his perfect face.

"Hey!" I said back with just as much cheer, even if it was fake cheer.

"Would you mind going home alone again today? Haruhi and I are going to the commoner's market." For a split second I froze and my eyes widened, as I did the first time I went home alone, but I recovered quickly.

"Of course, I'll see you at home then?" I replied, a fake smile on my face.

"Yeah, see you Kao!" and with that he left with Haruhi. As soon as they were gone my fake smile disappeared, all traces of cheer or happiness gone since I didn't need to hide anymore. Tono and Kyoya were already gone so Hunny-sempai and Mori-sempai were the only others in the room. Hunny-sempai already knew how depressed I was and Mori-sempai probably did too, seeing as how the two of them tell each other pretty much everything. Just like Hikaru and I used to do…..Wait, no! I need to get him out of my head!

"I'll see you guys tomorrow." I stated turning to face them. Hunny-sempai had that same look of concern on his face and Mori was being his usual stoic self.

"Yeah see you tomorrow Kao-chan." Hunny-sempai uttered just above a whisper as he ran up and hugged me. Mori gave me a nod as if to say 'see you' and I flashed them a weak smile before walking out of the club room and calling a car.

On the ride home my mind was blank, completely blank; I was in a numb state. The car halted to a stop in front of the Hittachin mansion, and slowly I got out and walked at a depressing speed through the gates and up to my room, my face showing no emotion. I need to feel. Something. **Anything.**

**(WARNING: Here comes the cutting scene. If you can't deal with it don't read it.)**

Without stopping I dropped my bag and continued walking into the bathroom. I slipped my hand between the wall and the full body mirror, pulling out a dull metal razor I'd used numerous times before, and pulled up my left sleeve. The cold metal touched the skin of my wrist and I dragged it across my skin, slowly sinking down until I was in a heap on the floor against the wall, clenching the razor in my fist. Red poured from my wrist and hand onto my clothes but I didn't notice or even care for that matter.

As I sat there I asked myself the questions I'd been asking myself for awhile now.

'_Why can't he love me the way he loves her? Why?! WHY?!_ '

Tears are now streaming from my golden irises as sobs wrack my body. I bring my knees to my chest, wrap my arms around them, and bury my face in them. Blood stains my pants but it doesn't faze me.

The aching in my heart is becoming too much. I need more pain, I **need **to feel. I pull my head away from my arms and bring the razor to a fresh patch of skin. The cold edge of the razor digs into my pale skin and I wince slightly in pain, but don't pull it away. More red runs down my arms and now my wrist is no longer pale, but a crimson color. Still, it's not enough so I pull up my right sleeve, revealing my right wrist.

The cold metal stabs into my skin once again except this time I drag it across my wrist hard and slow, to draw out the pain. Again, again, and again. I drop the razor sending it clattering to the ground and my circle my knees with my arms again, leaning my head against the wall. Fuck, everything's getting blurry. Just before my eyes fluttered shut I saw the door get thrown open and someone shouting my name. Then everything faded to black…..

**Okay so I know I left a cliffhanger here but I'm going to be working on this all weekend so I **_**should **_**have the next chapter up soon. Also I'M SOOO HAPPY I GOT FOLLOWERS AND FAVORITES XD! When I saw it I was so excited I started dancing around the room and my mom walked in….. It's a good thing she already knows I'm insane XD. Thanks **BookandAnimeNerd **and** **for the wonderful reviews, I'm happy you liked it and I'll try not to disappoint you XD. As for the guest who reviewed I'm sorry you didn't like it T^T.**


	3. Chapter 3

CH.3

"Kaoru! Kaoru, wake up!"

A familiar voice cut into the darkness but I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out who it was that owned the voice. I slowly opened my eyes and as soon as I did I was blinded by the bright light in the room. I heard a sigh of relief and then sat up slowly, ignoring the pain in both my arms due to the weight I was putting on my wrists. There was really no point in me sitting up though because as soon as I did I was tackled back down onto…the bed? How did I get on the bed?

"Kao-chan, I was so worried!" a pleasant voice called.

So that's how, Hunny-sempai must have found me. In the moment my eyes adjusted to the light and I saw Hunny-sempai sitting on the bed next to where I was laying, his arms wrapped around my neck in a tight hug.

"Hunny-sempai?" my voice trembled as I sat up once again. He pulled away to look at me and what I saw filled me with guilt. His blond locks were tussled and his chocolate brown eyes were red-rimmed and filled with unshed tears; he looked like he'd been crying for hours.

"W-what happened?" I asked although I already had a pretty good idea.

"Today at the Host Club, after Hika-chan left with Haru-chan….you looked so sad. So I came to check on you but when I got here you weren't in your rooms I thought I'd check the bathroom. And when I found you…..you were….."

I looked away from him, my bangs covering my eyes. Hunny-sempai put his hand on one of mine and tried to look me in the eyes, without success.

"I was so scared Kao-chan…" his voice had dropped to a whisper as if he was trying not to scare me off. A single tear slid down my cheek as I felt the guilt consume me.

"I'm sorry" I mumbled. Hunny-sempai simply nodded and pulled me into a hug.

"You **need **to talk to Hika-chan." Hunny-sempai's voice sounded almost demanding. I shook my head in reply, pulled away and slipped under the covers. Hunny gave another sigh, this one of aggravation, before he stood.

"Fine don't tell him, keep putting yourself through this." He said stopping in the doorway. Again, I just looked away, too filled with guilt and shame to look him in the eyes. "Call if you need anything, okay?" and with that the short blond disappeared from the doorway. A deep sigh escaped my throat and I buried myself further under the covers, eventually falling asleep.

**(A/N: The writing after this should be the next chapter but I decided this was too short so…yeah)**

___I was lying in bed, after storming out of the Host Club when Hikaru had , yet again, decided to sit with Haruhi instead of me. It was starting to tear me apart inside; how could he choose her over me, his own twin?! Just as the tears started to flow freely from my eyes, Hikaru burst into the room looking pissed off and I looked away to keep him from seeing my teary eyes._

_ "Kaoru, what's wrong with you?" Hikaru asked, standing directly in front of me now. Not a single word came from my mouth; I didn't move an inch. Maybe if I ignored him long enough he'd just give up._

_ I was wrong._

_ Hikaru suddenly grabbed my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze. His expression softened for a split second at seeing the unshed tears in my eyes, but vanished as quickly as it had appeared._

_ "Tell me what's wrong. __**Now.**__" He demanded, his voice stern, like when a mother scolds her child._

_ "Nothing." I replied as I wrenched myself out of his grip and looked away again._

_ "Don't give me that bullshit! You've been acting weird lately, Kaoru and its starting to worry me!" Hikaru yelled. I hate making him worry but I really __**can't **__tell him._

_ "Kaoru just tell me! I'm starting to get tired of this and-"_

_ "GOD HIKA, WOULD YOU JUST SHUT THE HELL UP?! YOUR SO STUPID! IT'S YOU, YOUR MY PROBLEM!" as soon as the last words rolled off my lips, I clamped my hand over my mouth. My sudden outburst had surprised not only Hikaru, who's eyes were wide with shock, but myself as well. After all, I am 'the nice twin'. After a few seconds Hikaru narrowed his eyes at me and I braced myself for the question I knew was sure to come; I waited for him to ask me what I meant. But the words that came from his mouth surprised me to no extent._

_ "Oh, I see." He said. Theres no way he could figure it out from just those words, right? My heart started hammering in my chest._

_ "You do?" I asked breathlessly._

_ "You know if you wanted her you should have just gone for it. Its your own fault." He said, now standing at the foot of the bed, crossing his arms over his chest and smirking at me. My heart stopped and my gaze shifted back to him._

_ "What?" was all I could manage to say in response._

_ "Your being a jealous baby. You like Haruhi." Hikaru said sitting next to me on the bed, still smirking._

_ "I __**do not **__like Haruhi!" I yelled getting angry._

_ "Oh come on, just admit it! Theres no ther reason why you'd be acting so damn jealous! Admit it!" he yelled back and grabbed my wrist. I couldn't take it anymore, couldn't hold it in._

_ "I __**don't **__like Haruhi! I love you Hika; I'm jealous __**of her**__!"_

_ Hikaru immediately let go of my wrist and his eyes widened._

_ "Kao…" His expression then changed from one of shock to one of anger and disgust._

_ "How can you do that, Kaoru, how can you feel that way about your own flesh and blood?! Its sick." Hikaru's voice was low and menacing. I was expecting him to yell but somehow I felt that his whisper-like voice hurt much worse than him yelling would have. Tears started forming in the corners of my eyes and I looked away from him. Apparently Hikaru wasn't done breaking my heart yet because he pulled me out of the bed by the collar of the night shirt I was wearing and shoved me against the wall. __**Hard. **__When I looked into his golden eyes, identical to mine, all I saw was fury and hatred. He hates me now, everything is ruined!_

_ "You…..you sick fuck! You incestuous bastard!" at his hurtful words, the tears forming in my eyes fell._

_ "I know Hika, I know that I'm sick!" I close my eyes and didn't expect what came next. _

_ Hikaru punched me in the gut. Then he did it again. __**(A/N: I hate writing this!)**_

_ "Hika please st-" my words were cut off by his fist again, this time in the face._

_ "Hika, please stop!" he punched me again and again and again until I saw a light and heard someone calling my name._

Suddenly Hikaru is leaning over me but he isn't hitting me or taunting me. It was just a dream, thank god.

"Oh my god, are you okay, Kaoru? You just kept screaming! I was so worried!" Hikaru said with a concerned expression on his face as he grabs my hand and intertwines our fingers.

"I'm sorry Hika, I'm fine. I just had a nightmare." I said sitting up. "When did you get home?" I asked, hoping to change the subject. Hikaru puts his hand on my cheek and wipes away tears I didn't know were falling with his thumb.

"What were you dreaming about?" he asks, obviously disregarding my want to change the subject, and paused, looking at our intertwined fingers. "Kao?"

"Yeah?" I ask, ignoring his first question. When he looked back up at me, I saw a mix of emotions in his beautiful golden orbs. I see confusion, worry, and…sadness?

"Why were you screaming for me to please stop? Was I hurting you?" my body immediately tenses up. Shit.

**Ahahahaha cliff hanger! Don't fret my friends, because the next chapter has what you've all been waiting for…. Confessions and a lemon!**


	4. Chapter 4

CH.4

"Why were you screaming for me to please stop? Was I hurting you?" my body immediately tenses up. Shit. Ever so gently, I untwine my fingers from his and look away, hoping he didn't feel my scars.

"It was nothing…" I said, my voice almost inaudible. Why is it so hard for me to lie to him right now?! I've been doing it just fine for two years **(A/N: As long as he's realized his feelings for Hikaru) **when I lied to him every day pretending I wasn't in love with him! Of course, Hikaru saw straight through me and hooked two fingers under my chin, forcing me to look at him.

"Don't lie to me; just tell me. Please Kao." He said softly. Forcing down the blush rising in my cheeks I sighed, knowing I'd have to tell him.

"Yes, Hika, you were hurting me." I reply avoiding looking into his eyes.

"How?" Hikaru asked, guilt now in the mix of emotions swirling in his eyes. Why would he feel guilty? It was just a dream. A very painful dream….

"Hika…" I whispered, trying to make him realize he doesn't want to know.

"Just tell me."

"You shoved me into the wall, you were punching me, and calling me these _**awful **_names." Just the memory of the terrible nightmare is enough to coax a single tear from my eye which Hikaru wipes away before looking into my eyes.

"But why Kao, why was I hurting you?" He asked and I started to panic inside. I can't tell him why! He'd hate me and my nightmare would become reality.

"Kao, come on." He whispered holding my face in his hands. There's absolutely no way I'm getting out of this; I'm going to have to tell him the truth. I gently wriggled away from himand once I was a safe distance away, I mumbled it under my breath.

"What was that, Kao?" I took a deep breath, mustering all my courage before answering.

"I said, it was because I told you that I'm in love with you, Hikaru." I answered, my voice just above a whisper and looked up into his eyes which were wide with shock. Everything is ruined. H e must hate me now, I must disgust him. I clenched my eyes shut, expecting him to yell or hit me, like in my nightmare but what I got instead was Hikaru's arms around me in a tight embrace. Now it was my turn to be shocked.

"H-Hika?"

"Kaoru…..I love you too, I have for years." He whispered and my heart melted. But there was one thing, one single word, that lingered in my mind.

"What about Haruhi?" Hikaru pulled away enough to look into my eyes and smiled.

"She knew about my feelings for you and when I tried to distance myself from you, she tried to talk me out of it. When I didn't listen she decided she'd help me. We're not actually dating Kao." He said, to which I sighed in relief. Suddenly his hand was running from where he had it wrapped around my back. It ran up my back, onto my shoulder, and then continued down my arm. I started to panic but I couldn't pull away, I'd wanted him to touch me like this for years. I was too late anyways, he'd already reached the bend of my arm.

Hikaru's hand ran over the older scars up near the bend of my arm and I winced when he touched the fresh cuts on my wrist from earlier, that's when he froze.

"Kao?" His golden orbs desperately tried to meet mine, but I refused. Ever so slowly he turned my arm so he could examine it as he brought it closer to his face, trailing his fingers over my arm, over my scars.

"Oh my god, Kaoru! These are….How could you do this to yourself?!" he cried, his voice filled with worry. It's too much for me to handle and tears roll down my cheeks as I look away and bow my head in shame. Hikaru made me face him again, his expression more serious than I had ever seen him before.

"Why?" he asked sternly, still forcing me too look at him.

"It's the only way I know how to feel….." I whispered in response. Hikaru's own eyes were filled with guilt and now tears as he pulled me to his chest.

"I'm so sorry Kao, I never meant to hurt you." He cried. All I could muster in response was to nod against his chest. I looked up into his eys, which were filled with unshed tears.

"I love you Kaoru." He whispered. He'd said the words only moments before but this time they sent shivers down my spine. Slowly he bent his neck and leaned down, pressing his lips to mine in gentle yet urgent kiss. To say the least, it was mind blowing. That kiss is what I'd wanted for so long, what I'd waited for for what seemed like forever. I leaned up, wrapped my arms around his neck, and kissed him back with all the feelings I'd held back for two years. Merely a minute had passed before our gentle kiss turned into a fiery one. Hikaru pushed me until I was laying on my back on the bed and continued to kiss me, but a little more fervently.

Hikaru moved his lips down his lips down to my neck, kissing, nipping, and licking at the flesh there. I had to bite my lip to keep from crying out in pleasure and he noticed. I grabbed his face and pulled him back up to my lips and into another passionate kiss. When his tongue swept across my bottom lip, begging for entrance I gave it almost instantly and his tongue explored every inch of my mouth like it was uncharted territory that he was claiming as his. I had to bite my lip even harder when I felt his hips moving against mine, rubbing our caged erections together. His hands groped at the hem of my shirt and he pulled away to lift it off of me, his following shortly after and tossing the offending material, not caring where it landed. I ran my hands down his chest and stomach feeling toned muscles. We may have the same face but Hikaru's body is much more muscular than my own slightly feminine body.

Hikaru leaned back down, capturing one of my now hard nipples in his mouth. **(A/N: Tee hee hee, nipples XD!) **I, of course, went back to biting my lip. Hikaru stopped what he was doing and gave me a peck on the lips.

"Stop that, you'll hurt your lip." He said placing a hand on my cheek.

"But Hika….." I started but was interrupted by Hikaru running his thumb over my bottom lip and moving his mouth to my ear.

"Our parents are on a business trip **(A/N: The benefits of being from a rich family XD), **so I'm the only one who can hear you Kao." He whispered before grasping my hips and taking the hard nub back into his mouth. This time I didn't fight the moan that came up from my throat.

"Nnnngh!" Hikaru sucked on one of my nipples and pinched the other one between his fingers. After a moment he started trailing kisses down my stomach and my breath hitched in my throat when he reached the top of my pants. He looked back up into my eyes, asking for permission.

"Hika p-please…" I begged. He smirked and then unbuttoned and unzipped my pants, pulling them off and throwing them with the rest of our discarded clothes. He then proceeded to rub me through my boxers, and it was torture to have him teasing me like that so I bucked my hips in an effort to get more friction.

"A little impatient are we?" he chuckled and pulled off my boxers before wrapping his hand around my hardness.

"Mmmngh!" I moaned as he started to stroke me at a torturously slow pace. I bucked my hips and he understood what I wanted, stroking me faster. Suddenly his hand was gone; he stopped. Ugh why did he stop?

"H-hika why d-did…..Nnnngh oh god, Hika!" I nearly screamed as he suddenly deep-throated me. I buried my hands in his auburn hair as he started to bob his head and swirl his tongue, pumping the part he couldn't fit in his mouth.

"Oh g-god Hika! D-don't st-stop!" I shouted. I'd never felt such amazing pleasure before and it coming from Hikaru only made it that much better. Just this is driving me insane and he hasn't even entered me yet! It wasn't too long before I felt my climax coming.

"H-hika I'm… gonna c-cum." I whimpered, tugging at his hair, but he didn't budge. He bobbed his head and swirled his tongue one last time before it became too much.

"Hikaru!" I screamed as I released in his mouth. He swallowed it and discarded his pants and boxers before climbing back on top of me. He put three fingers to my lips and I, knowing what for, took them into my mouth, sucking and swirling my tongue around his fingers. Once he thought they were wet enough he took them out of my mouth, spread my legs a little more, and put them at my entrance.

"This might be a little uncomfortable, okay?" I nodded and he pushed the first digit into my tight heat. It was uncomfortable, not painful, just really weird. Then Hikaru started moving his finger in and out, in small thrusts. After a while the weirdness edged became pleasure and Hikaru added a second finger, then a third. I couldn't take it anymore, I needed him in me like I needed air.

"H-hika please….I n-need you n-now!" I moaned. Hikaru pulled his fingers out and positioned his throbbing need at my entrance.

"Are you sure you want this?" he asked kissing my neck sweetly. All I could do in response was nod.

"It's gonna hurt." he said now looking into my eyes.

"I know and I don't care." I whispered and he nodded. Hikaru wrapped my legs around his waist and pressed his lips to mine as he started to push in. At first it was just the head but even that was enough to make me howl in pain. Hikaru pushed in all the way to the hilt and hot tears ran down my cheeks as I clung to him for dear life, my arms wrapped tightly around his neck and my legs had a death grip on his waist.

"We can stop if you need to." He offered leaving small kisses on my neck and collarbone in an attempt to comfort me but I shook my head vigorously. He smiled and continued pressing kisses to my neck area. After a minute the pain started to edge away and turn into insane pleasure.

"Move Hika." he complied quickly, pulling out till just the tip or his member was inside me and then thrusting back in, in a slow rhythm. I brought his face down to mine, molding our lips together in a passionate kiss. The movements were slow and loving but I needed more..

"F-faster!" I whisper-yelled against his lips. Hikaru picked up the pace, thrusting faster and I screamed when he brushed hit my prostate.

"Ahhhh! F-fuck Hikaru, right th-there! Harder!" I screamed. He complied ramming into me harder and, if it's even possible, faster, hitting my prostate with each thrust.

"Augh Kaoru…" Hikaru grunted before pressing his lips to mine in a hungry kiss. I felt a coiling feeling in the pit of my stomach and I knew I was close. Hikaru must have been too because his thrusts were starting to become erratic. The sounds of my moaning and screaming and Hikaru's grunts filled the room.

"Nnngh mm! H-hika I'm s-so c-close…." I moaned

"M-me too Kao" he groaned in response. He thrust a couple more times before wrapping his hand around my hardness, stroking it in time to his thrusts. Not long after infelt my second climax of the night flooding through me.

"HIKARU!" I screamed as I came all over his hand and my stomach, my body going limp,my legs just barely hanging onto his waist. I tightened around Hikaru and he thrust one more deep, hard thrust into me before climaxing.

"KAORU!" He screamed as he released his seed deep within me. He collapsed on top of me panting. After he'd ridden out his orgasm and caught his breath he pulled out, wiped us off with one of the discarded shirts and pulled me against his chest.

"I love you Hikaru" I whispered looking up into his eyes.

"I love you too Kaoru" Hikaru smiled and took my lips in one last kiss. I don't know how long it was before I fell asleep against his chest, in his comforting arms. All I know is that I wished I could stay there forever.


	5. Chapter 5

CH.5

Sunlight filtered through the slightly open curtains as my eyes fluttered open.

"Aughh" I groaned sleepily. My eyes adjusted and I was met face to face with Hikaru's chest. A bright smile lit up my face as I remembered the events of the previous night.

** Hikaru loves me; he actually loves me back. **Ever so slowly, I pressed my lips to his, savoring his sweet taste, until he stirred.

"Mm…." Hikaru let out small noise before his eyes shot open. . His gaze meets mine and he smiles, pulling me closer.

"Good morning Hikaru." I said, cuddling into his chest.

"Morning Kaoru." he murmured and pressed a small kiss to my forehead. For about ten minutes, we just laid there in each other's embrace. He put a finger under my chin, the other wrapped tightly around me, and lifted my head until my golden eyes were staring into his identical ones.

"I love you Kao." he whispered looking into my eyes. My face lit up and my arms tightened around him.

"I love you too." I whispered back. Hikaru leaned down and pressed his lips gently to mine before getting up and walking to the closet.

"Come on Kao, we'll be late." I grunted then stood and walked into the closet after him.

Hikaru and I entered the abandoned third music room and sauntered over to our usual love seat, not even bothering to say anything to the other hosts. At least that is until I saw Hunny-sempai giving Hikaru the most menacing glare imaginable.

"I'll be right back." I told Hikaru and walked towards Hunny-sempai. He was still glaring daggers at Hikaru when I stopped in front of him.

"Hunny-sempai?" I said, waving my hand in front of his face. He blinked a couple times before his gaze settled on me.

"Hey Kaoru." he said and I smiled softly at him.

"You were right Senpai." I whispered. Hunny-sempai's gaze turned serious.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"He doesn't hate me. He loves me the same way I love him. You were right." I whispered, and my smile widened. Immediately after the words left my mouth Hunny-sempai's serious expression broke out into a smile and he pulled me into a tight hug.

"I'm so happy for you Kao-chan." he whispered and pulled away.

"I don't know how I can ever thank you enough" Hunny-sempai merely continued to smile, his cute childish smike at me.

"Just be happy Kao-chan" I smiled wider, before spinning around and walking back to Hikaru on the love seat.

"What was that about?" Hikaru asked, giving me a puzzled look.

"Oh, it was nothing." I lied. If Hikaru knew how miserable I really was, he'd be mad at himself. He smiled and pulled me close as the guests started pouring through the doors. We were sitting so close that our thighs were touching and my shoulder was up against his side since he had an arm around my shoulders. The fangirls sat around us as the Host Club commenced.

"Its been a while since you were last sitting with Kaoru. Did something happen?" one of them asked. I felt Hikaru tense up next to me before he relaxed again.

"You could say that. Its all taken care of now though." he looked at me. "Right Kaoru?" he flashed me his dazzling smile, and I felt my cheeks flush, as I looked away. He hooked a finger under my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze, and causing all the fangirls to turn bright red and squeal.

"What's wrong Kaoru, cat got your tongue? But you were so loud last night." he whispered just loud enough for me and the fangirls to hear. My slight flush turned into a deep scarlet and I pulled my face out of his grip.

"H-hikaru! Don't tell them that!" I whimpered. "It's so embarrassing..." It really was embarrassing because it was true. His smile faded and he put a hand on my cheek.

"I'm sorry Kaoru." by now all the gaggling fangirls were watching in anticipation, their cheeks flushed darker than mine and their eyes wide.

Hikaru cast a glance to the side at the fangirls, a mischievous smile covered his face and he turned back to me. Before I could react he was leaning in to kiss me. As soon as his lips touched mine we were the only ones in the room. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed back harder. Hikaru's tongue swept across my bottom lip and I immediately opened my mouth, letting out a small moan as his tongue touched mine. Our tongues battled passionately. There was so much force in the kiss that our entire bodies were moving along with our mouths. An extremely loud squeal brought me back to reality and I broke the kiss, staring into his eyes, my arms still wrapped tightly around his neck. It wasn't until I realized that the hosts were also watching us that I dropped my arms and blushed a deep scarlet.

The guests left, leaving me and Hikaru with the stunned hosts. Hikaru and I were standing by the door the other hosts surrounding us.

"What was that? It looked a little too passionate to be an act." Kyoya broke the silence. Haruhi stood waiting for us to answer as well as Tono, while Hunny-sempai and Mori pretended to be surprised.

"It's because...because" I started. "It's not just an act anymore." Hikaru finished lacing our fingers together. Tono , instead of going into his emo corner and planting mushrooms like I expected, smiled softly.

"I'm happy for you guys." he said. Kyoya smirked, closed his ominous black book and looked at us.

"It's about time." Kyoya laughed. It is so creepy how he always knows everything. Mori shrugged in response, and Hunny-sempai climbed up him.

"Anyone can see how much you love each other." Hunny smiled brightly. The last person to speak was Haruhi.

"I'm glad you two stopped being idiots, and told each other how you feel." she said and smiled. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, and my smile returned to my face. Hikaru squeezed my hand, and I looked up to see him smiling lovingly. He pressed a quick kiss to my lips and when he pulled away I leaned my head against his shoulder.

We said goodbye to the hosts and started for home. The cherry blossoms were in bloom and I wanted to see them so Hikaru suggested we walk home.

"Hey look!" I squeled and dragged Hikaru over to the side of the road where a humongous cherry blossom tree was. Sunlight shone down on us through the canopy of cherry blossoms. The trees thick roots dug into the ground like a knife digging into flesh, its trunk like that of a core of life. Hikaru sat with his back against the strong trunk and I sat in between his legs my head leaning against his chest. The tree was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen in nature.

Right now my life is perfect. Hikaru loves me just as much as I love him, and all our friends except us, are happy for us. If only time could freeze at this very moment. Me in Hikaru's arms against this strong tree as the cherry blossoms dance around us with the wind. This so very peaceful moment, this perfect moment... I never want to leave his side; I want to stay in his arms forever.

"Hikaru?" I said looking into his eyes.

"Hm?" he responded staring back into my eyes just as intensely as I was staring into his.

"Promise me something?" I asked. Hikaru ran his fingers through my auburn hair, never once looking away from my eyes.

"Anything." he stated. My expression became one of hope, one of love.

"Never leave me." I spoke. Hikaru beamed down on me, leaned down and gently touched his lips to mine in a tender kiss, the most loving kiss we'd shared so far.

When Hikaru pulled away I stared into his golden eyes, seeing love and happiness. For what seemed like eternity we just gazed into each other's eyes before, finally...

"Never" Hikaru promised before he planted another tender kiss on my lips.

This is the day I will always remember, the day I will always cherish. A canopy shielding us inside with its core, a beautiful pink mist flying around us as Hikaru, the one I loved, uttered a single word that gave me peace for my entire life and sealed it with a kiss. A simple, meaningless word it would seem to most but to me it was a promise bound by love. The one word I wouldn't forget, even in death.

**Never**

**This is it, the final chapter; this story is finished T^T. I was thinking about adding to the story line but I just couldn't come up with anything. I want to thank everyone who followed, favorite, and reviewed this! I hope I did good on my first fanfic!**

**AnimeGirl123456**


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